Hello Hopeless
by SarahTonin
Summary: High school is different for all people. Some people naturally shine. Some want to join that brightness. Others just want to pass under the radar. The goal is to get through as painlessly as possible, but for the not-so-rare few, that is completely and utterly hopeless. Contains EstLat as well as genderbent RusAme and Poliet. Fem!Russia and Fem!Lithuania


**AN: So, I wrote this per request of crazy YinYang writer7. Sorry if the names seem sort of random. Enjoy!**

I find the best way to deal with mornings is to get through them as painlessly as possible. Just let them have their way, and everything will be fine. As soon as my alarm went off that morning, I got out of bed. There was no getting out of it, so I might of well get the most out of it.

My parents had already left for work, so I spent my mornings alone and quiet. I didn't mind it too much. I was listening to the rain as I drank my coffee. For a Monday, it wasn't starting off too bad. Definitely could be a lot worse.

I got dressed and combed my blond hair into place. I adjusted the glasses on my face. Nothing to complain about. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I must have set some sort of notification. My friends usually don't text me this early in the morning.

I nearly dropped my phone. It was that day already?! It was a bit late, but I hoped that everyone would get my warning.

RED ALERT! I REPEAT, RED ALERT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

I got to school as fast as I could. Larry was waiting in the hall. She paced by our lockers with a tray of Starbucks coffee cups.

"Hey, did you get my message?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah. Why did it have to be today? My car's in the shop, so I had to ask Paulie to give me a ride to Starbucks. After she takes her coffee, I am getting as far away as possible," Larry said.

I nodded my head. That was always the best option with these kinds of situations. I looked around the hallway. She'd be here any minute now.

"Where's Lenny?" Larry asked me.

I froze. "Wait, Lenny isn't here yet?"

We stared at each other in silence then simultaneously started to freak out.

"Oh God, he's going to screw it up again, I just know it! He's going to say something wrong...or do something wrong...or trip...or just look at her funny!" Larry rambled.

"Maybe if we're lucky, he'll show up so late, and he'll miss her completely," I said.

Don't get me wrong. We liked Lenny just fine. I just felt kind of sorry for him. He was just so awkward and had a terrible tendency to make things a lot worse than it needed to be. It was mainly just worse for himself, but that left Larry and I scrambling to alleviate the situation.

Both doors at the end of the hallway flew open. She was here! Ruby stood in the middle as her two brothers pushed the doors open for her. Their umbrellas overlapped from trying not to let her get wet from the rain.

Ruby's younger brother was definitely the more affectionate of the two, though he wouldn't really seem like it. He was only a freshman, but was getting quite the...reputation at school. After he put his umbrella away, he motioned to hold her hand. Ruby flinched, clearly weirded out by her brother Nick's creepily constant need to show his affection.

She tried to talk briefly to her older brother, Dimitri. Dimitri was a senior, so he was only one year older than her. He didn't seem too interested at talking to her at the moment and just sort of wondered off.

She looked a little confused at first but let it go. She walked faster towards us, trying to get away from Nick. Her long light blonde hair flew out behind her.

The thing about Ruby is...it's really hard to explain. When I first met her, she seemed really cute. Lonely, but really cute. I didn't know know how she could make the lives of people living nightmares. She was so scary it wasn't even funny. She was like one of those porcelain dolls that could come to life at night and kill you in your sleep. Oh God, she was here! Show time...

"Good morning, Larry! Good morning, Eddie!" she said.

"Good morning, Ruby," Larry and I said in unison.

"Here, I brought you coffee," Larry said.

Nick caught up, reached over Ruby, and grabbed one of the coffees from the tray.

"Nick, go away! I'm trying to talk to my friends!" Ruby said.

Nick glared at Larry and me. His scariness wasn't quite as subtle as Ruby's. "Stay away from my sister," Nick said as he walked away.

Ruby was noticeably relieved once he was gone. She took a coffee and sipped on it happily.

"Your hair looks nice today," I said.

"Thank you!" Ruby said. She turned her attention to me. Larry nodded toward me. I had given her the opportunity to leave. She sneaked off to her first class.

Complimenting Ruby on her favorite headband was always a good way to make sure she was happy. Especially if it was right before physics where she...

There was a loud bang from the hallway perpendicular to us. Hasty wet feet slapped against the tile in the hall. I turned around to watch Lenny skid but surprisingly not fall as he made the corner to where we were.

"S-sorry I'm late! I slept through my alarm clock and had to run to school," Lenny explained. His dark red jacket was dampened and weighed down by the rain. His curly dirty blond hair dripped water onto his face. He took a moment to catch his breath.

"Lenny!" I said through my teeth. If only he could have waited a few minutes longer. "You're here!" Ruby's smile wavered the tiniest bit as she looked at Lenny skeptically. "Lenny, tell Ruby she looks really cute today!"

Lenny looked to me and then to Ruby with pure terror in his dark blue eyes. "Right! Your...your jacket! It's great! So retro! Vintage is a good look on you!" Lenny said.

I did a mental facepalm. No, Lenny, no! Ruby's smile returned but in a more sinister light.  
"I got this jacket new a month ago for my birthday. It's not vintage," Ruby said.

"R-right! What I meant to say is that it doesn't make you look nearly as fat as it makes other girls..." Lenny tried to save himself but only dug his grave even deeper.

"Lenny, you say some of the darnedest things!" Ruby said. She patted the top of his head. She let her hand rest there. She was a few inches taller than him, so she ended up pressing her palm down on him. "You'll never get a girlfriend if you keep calling girls fat. You're just lucky I find you so cute!"

Lenny flinched as Ruby smushed him down. He was short enough already. He looked even smaller with Ruby towering over him. "I'm beginning to think that you're upset...About something I said?...I think it might be a bit unwarranted...you're not PMSing, are you?"

Ruby didn't have to pretend to be happy and carefree anymore. She could release all the rage on us now that the cat was out of the bag. I thought I heard Lenny's neck pop as Ruby pressed down even further. There was a very dark aura about her. You couldn't get her out of it when she was like this. She was going to pull Lenny into hormonal hell without the hope of any return.

"Yo, Commie!" a voice called out.

Ruby looked up, her expression considerably brighter. "Oh hello, Alfalfa!"

I turned around to see Alfred coming. We were saved! He hovered his hand over his head about an inch.

"Shit!" he muttered softly. A piece of his blond hair was sticking straight up near his forehead. He tried to pat it down, but it just right back up again. Ruby was positively grinning now.

"Yeah, well whatever. I like it better this way anyway. It doesn't matter because you know I'm going to beat you on this physics test!" Alfred said stubbornly.

"That's funny! You're always making jokes. I'd like to see you try," Ruby said. She followed Alfred into their physics class.

"Oh yeah? We'll see who's laughing..."

Lenny was quivering. "I thought I was going to die!" he whimpered.

"I tried to warn you. Didn't you get my message?" I asked.

"I dropped my phone in a puddle," Lenny said sadly.

I shook my head and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "You're just having terrible luck today, aren't you. We need to get you to class."

"My whole life is terrible luck," Lenny complained. He shrugged along as we went off to our first period.

* * *

"I think it all boils down to that I don't get girls."

Lenny and I were sitting together at lunch. Being closely associated with Ruby sort of gave way to limited company. Very limited. We basically hung out with the same people all the time. Much like most of the cliques in high school, but we weren't exactly here by choice. Ruby had some sort of use for each of us and kept us trapped together.

"One minute they're fine, and then the next, you've done completely everything wrong! It's like they're trying to torture us." Lenny poked his mysterious meat with a plastic fork. "Or they have just gone insane."

"In my opinion, the best thing to do is to leave them alone around that time of the month. As for Ruby, you should probably just avoid her all together," I suggested.

"I can't!" Lenny groaned. "Her giant boobs have a gravitational force or something. I can't stay away. And even if I could, she would hunt me down." He put his head in his hands. "I'm never going to get a girlfriend now. She cursed me."

"That's a rumor," I said. "Ruby doesn't have a curse."

"She doesn't have a curse that has been proven!" Lenny insisted. "Don't you remember Johnny? Remember what happened to him?"

"That was a coincidence," I said.

"It was too freaky to be a coincidence! Ruby says she doesn't want to look at his stupid face, and he moves to a whole other country a year later!"

"Even if that was true and had nothing to do with his parent's transfer overseas, I guess that means you still have a year left before the 'curse' takes affect," I said simply, sipping on my drink.

Lenny crossed his arms on the table and slammed his head down. "It's impossible. I can't talk to girls."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Larry said as she sat down with us.

"Girls are the devil incarnate!" Lenny's complaint was muffled by the sleeves of his jacket.

Larry shrugged. "Hormones are a bitch."

"I think I've got something to make your day at least a little bit better," I said. I took out a little ziplock bag full of rice.

Lenny looked up in confusion. "Did you bring your lunch today?"

I reached through the rice to pull out Lenny's phone. I pressed the power button, and it flashed on without a hitch, which was a vast improvement from earlier today.

"You got it fixed already?! Thanks, Eddie!" Lenny took the phone from my hand.

"It's no big deal. I snatched some uncooked rice from the kitchen during my free period. It helped absorb some of the water. Just keep it out of puddles, okay?" I said.

"Will do. So, Larry," Lenny changed the subject. "I haven't seen you around much. What have you been up to?" Lenny asked.

"Ah, well, I..." Larry started nervously.

"Larry~!" someone sang out.

We were joined at our table by a guy with hot pink skinny jeans and an extraordinary amount of self-consciousness.

"There you are! I've been looking, like, everywhere for you!" Paulie said.

Lenny had a look of astonished bewilderment on his face. That's generally what happens when a stranger as flamboyant as Paulie approaches you.

"Oh right, I don't think you two have ever met," Larry said in a bit of a worn out voice. "Lenny, this is Paulie, my next door neighbor. He just moved back from living with his mother in New York. Paulie, this is Lenny. He is a co-slave to Ruby with Eddie and I."

"You too, huh?" Paulie said. He looked Lenny up and down, and Lenny shifted uncomfortably under his judging gaze. "I don't know why you put up with all of this, Larry. You're, like, so much better than her. I totally came back back to hang out with you after all."

There was a bit of an awkward silence. Well, awkward for Larry, Lenny, and me. Larry's face was actually starting to go a little pink.

"Oh my God, you'll never believe what happened!" Paulie prattled on.

"So, Eddie, you know pretty much everything there is to know about everybody, right?" Lenny asked me as Larry and Paulie were talking.

"Yeah," I said warily. I hardly knew everything, but I probably knew enough to know what he was looking for. "Why?"

"Do...do you think if I asked Lily out she would say yes?" he asked.

I sighed. This was a bad direction. "Do you want my honest opinion?" I asked.

Lenny nodded.

"If you asked her out, she would ultimately say yes, but would take a few days to decide and work up the courage to tell you." Lenny's face brightened up at the prospect. "Unfortunately, you'll probably die in an unfortunate accident before she could tell you. Lily's brother just graduated college and has moved back into town. He is VERY protective of his younger sister."

"Damn..." Lenny muttered. "I can never catch a break. She's one of the few girls who are shorter than me."

"I wouldn't spend too much time dwelling on the whole girlfriend thing. Someone will come up up eventually," I said.

Before Lenny could respond, Ruby sat down with us. I looked around, and everybody tensed up. Everyone, minus one, that is. Paulie was mysteriously missing again.

"How did your test go..." Lenny surprisingly boldly and shakingly started.

"Shut up," Ruby said.

It was hard to tell how it went, especially on a day like today. I tried to give Lenny a look that said to stay out of everything.

She ate in silence for a while before she started.

"You know what pisses me off?" Ruby said. Lenny was about to answer her rhetorical question when Ruby started again. "Larry, you don't even try. At all. It's so sad how little you try. Aren't you even a little concerned that you'll end up all alone? You're in junior year of high school already, and you haven't even had one date. You're pathetic."

Now that statement about not having a date was true for everyone at the table, but Larry was Ruby's favorite target. It kept Ruby from focusing on herself. Because when I said that applied to everyone, I meant everyone.

Larry took it pretty hard. She looked down at her food and gathered her shoulder length hair into a ponytail. Larry really didn't dress like a girly girl. Her normal attire was usually just a t-shirt and baggy shorts. She hardly ever wore pink like Ruby. Or Paulie.

"I'm sorry," Larry said timidly.

"Hey, Ruby, don't you think you're being a bit harsh..." I started.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Eddie," Ruby snapped.

Okay, still not a good time. I guess she hadn't really gotten over this morning. I wouldn't want to think what would happen if something else had...

"By the way, Eddie, you need to come to my house. Tonight," Ruby said.

Crap. Too late. The bell rang dismissing everybody from lunch.

* * *

I had been to Ruby's house far too many times. More than I'd like to admit. My parents worked for her parents. Long story short, we've known each other for a while, and Ruby considered me one of her closest "friends."

I followed the ballet music through the hallway to Ruby's room. She didn't notice me at first. She leaning over her textbooks and paper at her desk. I knocked on her open door.  
She looked up at me. "Come in." She stopped leaning over her work and gathered up the papers. "I need you to look over this." She held out her homework towards me.

I had taken physics last year, so Ruby frequently called me over to check her work and make sure she was doing everything right. She stressed herself out so much about the class. She had decided that she needed to be perfect.

"Ruby, on this problem you need to..." I said.

Ruby groaned and covered her eyes with the palms of her hands. She leaned back in her chair. "I don't understand!" she said.

I was starting to get nervous. This was getting dangerously close to an edge I was not prepared to be pushed off of. "It wasn't that big of a mistake. You just dropped a negative. You did everything else right," I tried to make her feel better.

"I don't understand why people don't like me!" Ruby explained further. "I try so hard!"

"You do try really hard," I allowed. "You just..."

She started crying then. Crap, girls are scary! They change just like that! Was I supposed to talk to her? Was I not? Would she kill me if I tried?

"Nick, go away! What have I said about coming into my room?!" she screamed.

I was a little surprised at her sudden outburst. I turned around to see a kitchen knife a few inches from my neck held by a rather livid looking freshman. Dear God in heaven, what did I do to deserve this?

"He made you cry. He deserves to die," Nick growled.

"Eddie couldn't make me do anything. Now go away or you'll NEVER have a chance of taking me to homecoming," she said.

Nick turned around and reluctantly left the room. He slammed the door and stabbed it with the knife. I could see the pointy end sticking out a bit from the wood. If I wasn't freaking out enough, Ruby started crying even more.

"I don't want to go to homecoming with my brother," Ruby sobbed. "Do you know how embarrassing that is?"

"Is this about Alfred?" I asked quietly.

"Of course this is about Alfred!" she cried. "I hate him! I really hate him! He's so stupid. And oblivious. I just hate him."

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Dimitri has been avoiding me because of some random girl. Nick won't leave me alone for ten seconds. You and Lenny are straight scared of me, and I don't understand any of it."

"Boys...are stupid," I said carefully.

She nodded slowly and smiled a bit. She wiped the rest of the tears from her eyes.

"We take a long time to pick up on clues, and I'm sorry." I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to say. Both genders are confusing, but that's life, isn't it?

"Apology accepted," she said. "I'm just done with all of this. You can go now."

"Okay..." I said rather confused. I didn't want to ask any further questions. This was a way out, and I was going to take it.

* * *

Lunch the next day was awkward again, but not for the same reason. Lenny was positively gaping at Larry.

"Um, could you stop staring at me?" Larry asked.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Lenny spluttered.

"Ah..." Larry started. Her hair was soft and curled at the ends. She pushed it behind her ears. She nervously crossed and uncrossed her legs. She was wearing a pair of wedges and a bright pink mini skirt today. "Well..."

"Doesn't she look fabulous!" Paulie said as he sat down. "She totally came over last night and asked for some help on her look! I was like, oh my god, of course!"

"Larry, you're a girl?!" Lenny asked exasperated.

"Of course she's a girl," Paulie huffed. "I only started calling her Larry in elementary school because she's, like, totally a tomboy."

"Yeah. Thanks for that. My real name is Lara by the way, Lenny," Larry said.

"Either way, Larry is gorgeous," Paulie said. Out of nowhere, he leaned over and kissed Larry. Even I was a bit surprised.

When they parted, Paulie had a silly grin, and Larry's eyes were stuck wide open.

"Hey! We should like totally go to homecoming together, so I can dress you up again!" Paulie said happily.

Larry was still speechless and just nodded.

"Great! You're, like, totally awesome!" Paulie said. He kissed Larry again and got up. "See you later, Larry!"

Larry still didn't say anything. She just put her hand on her cheek.

"What...was that?" Lenny asked.

A smile crept onto Larry's face. "I just got asked out to homecoming," she said happily.

"I'm so confused," Lenny said. "First I thought Larry was a dude...and Paulie was gay. Now, Larry is a chick, and Paulie isn't gay?"

"What made you think he was gay?" Larry asked.

"Probably the fact that he dots his i's with a heart," I suggested.

"Exactly!" Lenny responded.

"Well, he's bi at best. He is in love with Larry after all," I said.

Larry started to blush.

"You look nice today, Larry," Ruby said. "What's the occasion?"

"Um...I just thought I'd...you know, try today. Like you said," Larry said shyly.

"Larry got asked out by Paulie!" Lenny announced. "Can you believe it?"

"No!" she said with a smile. She then proceeded to push Lenny's food off the table.

* * *

"Don't you think she overreacted a little bit?" Lenny said. He took a bite of the leftover pizza.

During my free periods, I usually went around fixing various technological appliances. I was the unofficial IT guy for the school. All the secretaries were at a party celebrating a birthday, so they paid Lenny and I a pizza to watch the office and fix one of their computers. Which was lucky for Lenny since he never got to eat his lunch. And lucky that this was the class period I convinced him to get out of.

"She's just sort of been concerned about being single lately," I said vaguely. I clicked through the screens trying to fix the program.

"Isn't everyone?" Lenny hopped onto the secretary's desk. "And she's so close, too."

"Close?" I said.

"Yeah, she likes Alfred. That's halfway there. Didn't you know that she liked him?"

"Yeah, but..." I turned to face him and froze. The phone was out of it's cradle, and there was a red light flashing.

"I guess I can see why Ruby hasn't told him yet. He's probably the only guy in the whole school who has the guts to tell her no. I don't see why he would though. I see the way he looks at her bre-" he prattled on.

I leaped forward, placed my hand over his mouth, and placed the phone back in its cradle.

"You need to run!" I told him. "Hide wherever you can. Shut yourself in your locker again. I'll let you out later. Your life is in mortal danger."

"Wha-" he started.

"No time to talk! That whole time you were talking back there the intercom was on," I said.

"I'm dead," he said in a lifeless voice. "I'm dead. She's going to find me, and she's going to kill me."

There was a loud crash at the door.

"Oh God, it's too late!" Lenny wrapped his arms over his head. He shut his eyes and went into a crouching position.

Alfred opened the door and ran into the office. "Is Ruby here?" he asked quickly and breathlessly.

"Not yet," I said nervously.

"I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" Lenny cried.

"Good. Do that...do that intercom thingy again!" Alfred demanded.

Alfred got over to the phone before I did. I pressed the appropriate buttons. I nodded to him, indicating that he could start.

He cleared his throat. "Dear Ruby Bragenski, you make me vomit. I hate your stinkin' guts. You are the scum between my toes. Love..."

The door to the office opened loudly again. This time it was Ruby. We all turned to look at her, trying to gage her reaction.

"Alfalfa," Alfred finished.

Ruby started to walk toward us. She got within inches of Alfred. She put her hands on his face and pulled him down a few inches to kiss him. She parted and bit her lower lip. She seemed unsure and nervous about something for once in her life.

Alfred obviously knew what to do. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back. The initial shock had finally worn off.

Well, maybe except for Lenny. I helped him back up and got him quietly out of the obvious while Ruby was distracted and didn't realize we were still there.

* * *

"Wow," Lenny said.

"Wow," I repeated.

"Did I actually just do that?" Lenny asked.

"Yep, but I suggest not mentioning it ever again," I said.

"How does that even happen? First, Larry and then Ruby," Lenny said.

"Strange things happen," I said.

"But homecoming's going to be weird now," Lenny said.

"How so?" I asked.

"I was thinking that we'd all be going in a big group of singles, you know? It'd kind of be a bit more awkward if it was just us..." Lenny trailed off.

"Awkward?"

"Yeah..." Lenny said. "Because...you know...you don't know...and you couldn't know...for once...and I can't tell you...because I just can't...but I want you to know..."

"Oh for pity's sake, you're hopeless," I said. I leaned down and kissed him. "I know."

He blinked a few times in surprise. "You know?"

"Of course I know. I know pretty much everything..." I said.

I was still partially leaning down, so Lenny stood on his tip toes and kissed me lightly several times.

Lenny was flushed. "Wow."

"Wow," I repeated.

"Did I really just do that?" he asked.

"Yep," I said.

"Can I do it again?" Lenny asked nervously. He looked up at me with his dark blue eyes. His blonde hair fell slightly in his face.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand. "Not right now. Maybe later. We've still got to get you a place to hide."

Lenny squeezed my hand. "Can we hide together?"

I looked down and smiled at him. "Of course."


End file.
